Phantom tics are sensory tics projected by the brain onto external surfaces. The feeling is releived by touching the surface.
In this video I attempt to show, using MOVEMENT, what is happening in my HEAD (in other words these are NOT TICS I DO) to neutralise the feeling the projected sensory tics give and how I have developed tics to prevent the need to touch things or move my hands in this way. Just to emphasise, these are not tics I do ‘out loud’, as in you won’t see me sitting here doing this in real life. This is purely an illusatration.
The fist half of this video shows what I call ‘distance touching’ tics. This is where I move my hand in front of an object I feel the need to touch, thus ‘touching’ it from a distance.
Firstly, a brief bit of background information. When I was little, I had to touch things to make them ‘feel right’, to get rid of the building up feelings of tension that come with Tourettes/OCD.
When I realised this was noticable, impractical and embarassing, I managed to manipulate these tics into ‘distance touching’, where with an (eventually) automatic series of moving my hand or fingers in front of the object I felt the need to touch, and making movements with my tongue inside my mouth, I could do a similar thing while combining it with normal movements such as touching my nose, rubbing my eyes or stretching.
This method has gradually evolved to involve moving my head and nose, and doing all sorts of other things that I’m barely aware are involved in the same process (that is, they feel like separate tics), all to get rid of these ‘patches of tension’.
However, if these coping, hiding mechanisms are taken away, I’m left with my original method of using my hands.
The first half of this video shows what would probably happen now if I had not developed coping mechanisms and hiding methods to remove these ‘patches of tension’.
Please note:
- I cannot see these ‘patches of tension’ they are internal feelings (sensory tics) projected by my brain onto external surfaces.
- I know the patches are not really there.
- I know it is weird, sick, embarassing, disgusting etc. but this is something I cannot help.
- At the time of filming, I was tired, going through a stage when they’re at their worst and on my own, so this is about as bad as they’d get. They didn’t even slow down for the camera.
- THESE ARE NOT TICS I DO NOW. They never used to be as intense as this either, so I never used to do this the whole time, just tiny, hidden movements here and there.
- The fact that the ‘patches of tension’ ’stick’ to my fingers and get moved around makes it worse. I don’t think they use to do this so much.
- The movements do not really require thought - my hands move as ‘necessary’, but they do require brain power as I also mentally manipulate the ‘patches’ to move them/make them go away.
The reason I am doing this, even though this is not the tic as such is to try to illustrate why my brain is so busy with useless stuff (I can also mentally manipulate some of the ‘patches’). I also have mental coprolalia, palilalia and echolalia.
The second half of the video shows me doing the same process mentally and with eye movements and my nose. Sometimes the tics are part of the complex tic and sometimes they are just simple tics on their own, but these look the same (but feel different when I do them), so you can’t tell them apart by watching. Please also note that this is when it’s at it’s worst. I won’t usually do all that eye flickering/rolling!
As there are overlaps between compulsions and tics, complex tics such as these may be misunderstood and thought to be compulsions. The tics shown in the video is actually a complex tic due to its spontenaity and involuntariness. Basically, its a series of automatic or semi-automatic movements based on urges rather than reasons or obsessions. (I’ll try to cover the differences in another video).
Confused by all that? Me too!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_phenomena
http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=2975440
If you have any (polite, respectful, genuine, mature) questions, please go ahead and ask
Oh, and plese excuse the pyjamas!
Duration : 0:2:16
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